Story by: Emily Tipping
Photos by: Eric Peterson
In Switzerland, over 1,000 scientists are currently working on the Large Hadron Collider which has been ‘turned-on,’ so-to-say after years of upgrades and a pandemic pause. This gigantic powerful prober explores dark matter and is now locating new exotic particles in the far corners of outer space. The intense force of these laser beams are equal to 7 powerful suns. Since last Tuesday, there has been a significant shift or change. It’s as if this whole world was off track and since restarting this powerful machine, we’ve merged back on the right track. One of these paradigm shifts has unlocked some of the most mysterious secrets in the universe.
The code to Agent Dick Merkins’ briefcase: 7722.
Puscifer prosperously performed proudly and pursued the possible probing on people in this proper playhouse.
Salt Lake City hosted these aliens over the ley lines at this sacred site, Eccles in the Delta Hall. The theater encompassed a futuristic feel when the band graced the stage emitting electromagnetic radiation the night of 7/7/22. Promoting the paranormal Existential Reckoning album which was originally released October 30th, 2020, by Alchemy Records. Dressed like stunt doubles from MIB 1,2,3… and 4, the crew started to play, “Bread And Circus.” The band was then graciously greeted with a standing ovation. Swaying back and forth, the agents stayed in the back of the stage in a military-like stance. “Postulous,” “Fake Affront” and “The Underwhelming” were all so perfectly performed. Carina’s clear voice nestled into Maynard’s tone is like mussels in a shell. So natural and exquisite, like a delicacy that you can never get enough. Their harmonizing energy continued to shine the crowd’s crown chakras with “Grey Area” and “Theorem”. Puscifer possesed an interesting synergy and digit mix with a pinch of mysterious phrases and Hymns. A broad palette to dine on for the like-minded Indio Children. “UPGrade” was executed with grace and style as the two sang in tandem and played their robot dance. The whole experience was like stepping into the movies Space Odyssey and Monty Python with a Hunter S. Thompson twist. “Apocalyptical,” “The Remedy” and “A Singularity” made the earthlings ecstatic. Mat Michell scaned the area with a detection device to locate and eject any SPAMmers, scammers or trolls. A different rendition of “Mama Sed” was executed in such a way, real human tears touched the floor of the supernatural hall. “The Humbling River” closed out the first half of this eccentric yet emotional set.
After an E.T. countdown intermission, Billy-D kicks off the bluesy “Bullet Train To Iowa”, before making the crowd shout the word ‘vagina’ several times he began “Vagina Mine”. Carina made a statement unveiling her T-shirt that displayed a uterus flipping the crowd off. The Puscifer kids then transitioned into an older one, “Conditions of My Parole.” It felt cyclical like at Kingsbury Hall on 11/9/11 when it was heard live in Salt Lake City. Ancient aliens then roamed the stage and hysterically tried to probe the band with light sabers. The final orgasmic probing was “Bedlamite” on the elevated stage, telling us all “Everything will be Alright”.
In between the songs the audience was treated to some videos of Agent Merkin telling everyone where the bear shits. One can’t even begin to explain or reveal some of the secret mysterious Agent Merkin babbled about. Make sure to tune into the highest frequency and make it to a Puscifer show. If you’re lucky, you’ll get a sighting and get your probing in while the universe is back on track. Because….
“An Existential Reckoning is imminent.”
-Agent Dick Merkin